Sollux Is A Douche, or Why Frankie should Not Write FanFics
by twobrokefangirls
Summary: it's a joke story we wrote. several trolls are derpy humans who derp around and be in crappy relationships, plus frankie and liz argue a lot. rated t for language and minor sexual reference and also blatant sexual reference


CHAPTER ONE

Karkat strolled up to the table where sollux aradia were eating lunch outside of feferi and eridans coffee house. he said "hey sollux" and they all greeted him then feferi came out to the table and started flirting with sollux even tho she was dating eridan, and served them their GODDAM SAMMICHES. any way karkat sat down by sollux who he had a crush on except aradia was going out with sollux but she didnt mind that feferi was cheating with him.

then eridan came out and saw feferi flirting with sollux and got mad but THEN he saw karkat. he had not realized that he was IN LUUUUURRRVE with karkat, but he was dating feferi so he didnt know what to do!

chapter 2

later that day after feferi closed the coffee shop the peoplel went to the state fair and on the ferris wheel eridan told feferi that he knew she was cheating on him and that he was *gasp* BREAKKEN UP WIT HER so she told him to never go to the coffeeee shop again and ran off crying. but she first ran to sollux and aradia who were being stupid derps on the merry go round.

"eridan broke up with me! sollux can we hang out tonight? i need cheering up" she cried.

finally aradia had had enough. she was tired of sharing sollux.

"this is it sollux" she told him "i am tired of sharing you. you must choose which of us you want to be with RIGHT FUCKING NOW" she shouted.

"fine, you two lovely ladies and i can have a three-some" he replied.

"hell no! i hate you anyway! were through!" aradia screamed, throwing her pulled pork with a shitload of bbq sauce on to sollux's head, ruining his hair.

"fine i choose, KARKAT!"

CHAPTER THREEE

karkat walked up right as sollux said he chose karkat. karkat shrieked with joy because he had mega crushes on sollux

"OMFG SOLLUX I LIIKE YOU TOO LETS BE BOYFRIENDS" he cried in delight

"haha lol ok lets" said sollux, as a joke because he thought kk was just covering for him to get rid of the bitches.

"man i'm so ready to get rid of the bitches, shit bro, lets go to gamzee's and get stoned" sollux suggested. so they did.

while they were there, gamzee was like "you two are motherfuckin hot" karkat was like "ooomfg right i know" sollux was suprised and didnt say anything then gamzee was like "we should have a motherfuckin threesome" but then sollux got high as everloving fuck and so they did and it was crazy and after they all ate pie and drank hangover juice.

CHAPTEER FOURRRRR

well, after sollux gamzee and karkat had a three way, sollux and karkat left and they went to get coffee cuz they were tired and still hungover even though they drank hangover juice, but when they got to the coffee house eridan was outside with all his stuff because feferi was making him move out.

"oh hey bro, sorry about your breakup" sollux said like he wasnt the one to make it happen in the first place.

"fuck off, sollux. youre a douche" said eridan, and he turned to karkat and said, "hey man, care to help me move?" suddenly karkat noticed how attractive and cute eridan was and he asked sollux,

"sollux do you really wanna love me forever, oh oh oh, or is it just a hit and run?"

"jeez, bro, i don't really like you i'm not gay, i just thought you were covering for me when those bitches got upset."

"oh yeah? well what about the shit at gamzee's?"

karkat, i was high as fuck. gamzee's a cool motherfucker but we were really stoned."

"fine. that's ok because i am ALSO BREAKING UP WITH YOU AND I WILL HANG OUT WITH ARADIA AND WE WILL FORM A SOLLUX HATERS CLUB INCLUDING ALL THE GIRLS YOU PICKED UP AT BARS FOR SEX!"

"hey can i join the club?" eridan asked

"sure, man. and yeah, i can help you move"

and so sollux went back to his house to think about what a douche he was and feel sad for a while before going to the bar to pick up a slut. when he did go out, he met vriska, AND HE FELL IN LOTS OF PASSIONATE LOVE. that is the end of sollux's part of the story because he decided to marry vriska and have a lot of doing that thing adults do where they grunt and fling their privates around every night. ( there was a -grub- baby but they gave it up for adoption. itwas a very traumatic event for them that changed their lives forever and thats why we use protection kids. )

CHAPTER FIVE

Feferi was at her coffee shop cleaning up to close and aradia walked in and was like "feferi i want you to meet this adorable guy named tavros" and feferi was about to say "no aradia i love you can we have sex now" when aradia opened the door and tavros rolled in on his wheelchair. feferi was overcome by cuteness and almost fainted

except then an amazing girl named frankie came in and stole tav's heart and they got married and had a baby named jade ((liz: NOOO FRANKIE YOU CANT SHIP YOURSELF WITH TAVROS AND HAVE A CANON BETA KID AS A BABY ESPECIALLY JADE! I TOLD YOU THAT! ))

**((frankie: no. her name will just be jade, and i don't ship myself with tavros he is my soul mate. shoosh))**

(( NO YOU KNOW THAT YOUR BABY IS JADE HARLEY. I'M NOT ALLOWING THIS. NOW BE A MAN AND STOP SLOBBERING ON YOUR BABY TEETHY TOY. ))

**((FRANKIE: IT'S NOT A BABY TEETHY TOY. I HAVE A JAW DISORDER. ALSO JADE IS UNDENIABLY THE COOLEST OF THE KIDS, EVEN COOLER THAN DAVE AND DIRK))**

(( Now frankie, you know that you do not have a jaw disorder. It's totally an unfrozen teethy toy. why do you even have those? theres just three hanging around your room. also, don't anger the homestuck fans. you know how they are about the characters. and you know, i hear they are rabid this time of year. ))

**((liz theyre rabid EVERY time of year and HEY FUCK STOP TOUCHING MY BABY TEETHY TOY YOU CRAZY WHORE))**

(( HEY. FRANKIE BE NICE. and maaaaybe we should get back to writing the story.))

(( wait did you just get another baby toy. ))

**((WELL YOU TOUCHED THE OTHER ONE WITH YOUR DIRTY HO HANDS SO YEAH GOT A NEW ONE))**

(( FACEPALM 3X COMBO! ))

(( you know it doesnt help if you put your slobber toy on your phone, right? ))

**((FCUK))**

(( We apologize for the involved ooc discussion. Back to the story))

(( Where were we, even? ))

Aradia turned to feferi. "im sorry. how can i make it up to you?" "kinky sex ." said feferi

"aight lets do this" and they did it behind the counter after feferi locked the door

during thier escapade eridan walked by and was like " wth is going on" and then he saw and got all depressed so he went to go find tavros and frankie to make him feel better with a blowjob party.

**((omg liz youre a perv. go die in a hole while fucking cronus ampora))**

(( i ship it. you know you do too. also we decided that this is a joke so i wanna make it as bad as possible. i know thats not generally how it works but whatever.))

but after awhile eridan was still sad so he looked down and asked frankie where karkat was. frankie looked up at him and swallowed what she had in her mouth because she knew it was impolite to talk with your mouth full.(**( OHMY JEGUS LIZ I'M GONNA KILL YOU WITH MY BABBY TEETHY TOY. THAT IS NOT WHAT HAPPENED. ))**

eridan saw and got depressed so he hired a whore named liz to make him feel better but she was a crappy whore so he drugged her and put her in a dumpster so he would not have to keep fucking her or pay her and then eridan went to find karkat.

(( HOLY WHAT THE JEGUS FUCKING SKYDIVING OUT OF A HELICOPTER TO GO SWIM WITH THE DOLPHINS IN THE BAHAMAS. i have problems with you now. 1. i am not a whore. i prefer to be called a very temporary sexual partner. 2. don't fucking touch me with your slobber dildo. 3. we need to stop doing oc notes. 4. i had to say so many things but now i forgot. 5. its totally what happened. ))

karkat was gushing his feelings about his relationship problem to gamzee not noticing what gamzee was doing to his butt. (( im leaving out details cuz i like to manipulate people with thier own imagination. :3 ))

then eridan walked in the door and saw them and was like "what the mother glubbing fuck"

**((well you stop being a dildo loving freak. you know i love you tho.))**

so eridan gathered all his courage and walked up to karkat, and said in his most manly, charming, smexxah voice, "hey karkat i love you let's have sex."

**********((Frankie is so cool))** ((pfhahaha no you're not))

LET US MAKE THIS BE THE END KTHXBAI

******except if you guys lurve it we can write more.**


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